I intended to post sooner... I actually had a post started the day before Thanksgiving, but then, that happened to be the day that I got engaged. With that and the holidays, time really got away from me... like badly. Right around New Year's, I kept seeing all these articles and Instagram posts focusing on the fact that not only was another year ending, but the decade was ending. So many people were posting about all the things that happened in the previous decade - milestones, why it was good, bad, etc. I never really thought about it in that sense because to me, it was just another year coming to an end. It overwhelms me to even begin to think about my life for the past decade. I would think almost everyone could say the same generic thing - there were bad times and good times.
I've never been a big New Years person. To me, it's just another excuse for people to drink. In college it was fun, but I quickly got over that. When you date someone for years who is a high functioning alcoholic (who wouldn't admit it), New Years turns into a night of babysitting an adult and its miserable. Ever since then, I don't really care about the holiday whatsoever except for the fact that I get a day off work. I also never make resolutions. That kind of thing always seemed pointless to me. Forgive me for being a negative Nancy, but how often are people able to actually keep their resolutions? It just seems like something that is set up to fail. May I also note how annoying it is to go to the gym this time of year because of the New Years Resolutioners? I booked all my Orange Theory classes way in advance so that I could be sure I would get a spot.
Seeing all the New Year posts did make me start to think a bit. What did I accomplish over the last decade? I can say with certainty that the way my life has turned out so far vs. what I thought my life would be like.... TOTALLY different. It's almost a little funny to think of the things that were such a priority to me in my early 20's and how silly it was to get anxious or worked up about them. So much of what I THOUGHT was important doesn't matter to me in any way now. I look back and see that there was definitely a lot of time wasted on certain things and people, but did I do any good or anything to help others? It is easy to get depressed when you think about how much time in your life has gone by and look at how things have changed... what people are no longer in your life, what traditions you used to have that you don't do anymore, what pets, friends or family members passed away, etc.
I admit, even though I am at a wonderful place in life and am happy, it has been incredibly tempting to get down when I think about all the things that have changed. Obviously the loss of my dad was the most devastating event that I have experienced, but I also lost both of my grandmas, had relationships end, and got fired from jobs. I know I am not alone in experiencing many of these things.. I don't want to sound all "woe is me". There are times where I have to walk the line of acknowledging that I miss dad, grandma or grammy and allow myself to feel those feelings but not go down the path of dwelling on it and getting depressed. I think a new year is a time where a lot of people experience these kinds of feelings. The struggle is real!
As I work to stay in a positive mindset, I try to look ahead and think of how my experiences in the past decade can be used for good; in big ways and small. I have such a greater understanding of mental health issues like depression and anxiety, and even though my experiences to gain that knowledge completely sucked, I hope that I can help others who struggle.
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I really like this one! I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it to lately. I’ve learned a lot, I’ve grown a lot. I continue to push myself to be the best version of me so that I can offer the best me to the people I love. This is a really good post Jer!