Most of my friends know that I love documentaries. Some of my old co-workers used to laugh because I started to many sentences with "I was watching this documentary on Netflix and..." I guess this adds to my old lady status, huh? I just find them so compelling and interesting to watch (if they're well made... I've seen some poorly made ones and I've had to stop halfway through).
The latest documentary I watched really highlighted for me how mental health issues/traumas early in life can have severely negative effects way down the road. The documentary was called "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane". It was originally on HBO but you can also find it on YouTube. I will warn you that the documentary does show some graphic images. This documentary catches your attention because it is a very polarizing topic and everyone wants to figure out WHY. If you don't want to read any spoilers, this is your chance to stop before I go into detail about what happened.
The story is about a car accident that happened in 2009 in New York state. A minivan drove south in the northbound lane of traffic for 1.7 miles before crashing head on into another vehicle. All the occupants of the 2nd vehicle were killed instantly. The minivan then spun into the median and started burning. The driver who caused the accident was Diane Schuler (Seriously, what is it about women named Diane who do HORRIBLE things to children? Diane Downs anyone?). Aside from Diane, there were 5 passengers in the van- her two children and her three nieces. Of those 6 passengers, only her son survived. What made this crash such a hot topic was that in the wreckage, right next to the driver's seat was a broken bottle of Absolut Vodka and once the toxicology reports came back, Diane's blood alcohol level was 1.9- over two times the legal driving limit. Finally, she had elevated levels of THC in her system and they calculated that she had smoked or ingested weed 15 mins - 1 hour before the crash. Knowing that a mother drove drunk and high with her two children and three nieces in the car is infuriating by itself, but then she kills all but one of the kids and three other innocent victims.
The documentary follows Diane's husband and sister-in-law. The only word I can use to describe them is delusional. They are obviously in extreme denial that their loved one could do such a heinous thing and it has been their mission ever since the toxicology reports came out to clear Diane's name. They do their best to convince everyone that the autopsy was wrong and that Diane wasn't a drinker or smoker and was the perfect mother and wife. As they talk about Diane's background, one of the first things they mention is that she is the youngest child of 4 siblings and the only girl. When she was 9 years old, her mother had an affair and left. They say that throughout the rest of Diane's life, she never reconciled or forgave her mother. Despite numerous attempts to come back into Diane's life, she wanted nothing to do with her mother. Friends and loved ones also say that Diane never spoke about this to anyone.
I don't know this from experience, but I imagine having a parent walk out on your family when you are so young is incredibly traumatizing and upsetting. It also sounds like since Diane was the only girl in the family, once her mother left, she started to take on a lot of responsibility. I can only imagine the feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, confusion etc. that she felt. It was well known that Diane never wanted help with anything and she certainly didn't like to go to doctors. Everyone insisted that she was a super-mom who did everything for her kids, and since her husband worked night shift and was never around in the evenings to help her, she did it all. She was also the primary bread-winner. By all accounts, she rarely drank and maybe smoked pot occasionally at night before bed to help her wind down.
How scary is this that she was obviously incredibly skilled at hiding what she was dealing with? Psychologists all said that she was a prime candidate for depression, perfectionism & OCD and addiction. My conclusion on the "why" that everyone is asking is to agree with what the psychologists theorized - the childhood trauma of her mother leaving started this whole negative cycle. She never talked to anyone about it and I think it was her goal to be the opposite of her mother and be perfect. To keep the facade of the perfect mom and wife, she self medicated with alcohol and pot and was able hide it. That is why they call it a high functioning alcoholic - most people have no idea what is going on (I know this to be true... I dated one years and years ago and nobody believed me when I would tell them how bad his drinking was).
I haven't gone fully in depth about the documentary here because there are SO many details about the accident, the hours leading up to it, her marriage dynamic, etc., but after watching the documentary and reading many articles, it seems clear to me that her mental state and her failure to seek help ultimately led to a string of horrible decisions and the death of 7 innocent victims.
How many people don't seek help for something because they say "that was so long ago, I'm fine now", "I'm over it" or "it was no big deal"? How many people self medicate with just a glass or two of wine every night? Or a little bit of weed each day? I'm no saint, and I'm not trying to be judgmental - I have drank and smoked weed, I just challenge you to look at some of your habits and evaluate your mental health. Maybe you think that you are fine or have things under control.... I bet Diane thought that as well 💕
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