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Introvert Problems

  • Jerilyn
  • May 29, 2019
  • 3 min read

Throughout my life, there have been many times where I have been called mean or a bitch. Often, the reason people think this is because I have RBF (resting bitch face) and I'm quiet around people I just met or don't know very well. Oh, and I'm not big on small talk and I'd rather have a few great friends than a million acquaintances. There are times where I can be outgoing and chatty, but this is not my norm. If I do have a day where I'm very sociable, chances are, I will need significant time to myself to recharge afterwards. Usually those who accuse me of being mean or snobby are those who don't know me well and have seen little of me in few situations. But the struggle is real... I do have feelings and it hurts when people have this assumption about me. Sure, there are moments where I'm mean or bitchy, but I don't think I'm alone in that - I'm just willing to admit it.


As an ISFJ (Introverted-Sensing-Feeling-Judging) personality, also known as "The Defender", I am in my head a lot.... Like, I have an incredibly active imagination. When I'm in a situation where there is a large group and I'm meeting new people, I am very quiet and trying to take in the scene around me. I'm probably also playing out potential scenarios in my head or trying to read people. Chances are that I won't be walking around the room introducing myself to everyone- I'll be sitting or standing somewhere on the outside of the room observing. I don't do this with the intention of coming across snobby or like I'm better than anyone, I just need time to take in my surroundings. Social situations can also be draining for me so I may be mentally preparing myself to get outside my box/norm for a while.


During my high school/college years, when people would refer to me as mean or snobby, I took it really personally and thought there must be something wrong with me. I would often think to myself, "why can't I be like that person? They're so warm, friendly and outgoing." I would sigh every time I heard people say "she's so nice!" about someone knowing that nobody would ever think that about me. Eventually I just kind of started to accept that if the consensus is that I'm mean, well then I must just be mean. I would get down on myself and try so hard to be outgoing but it was draining and often left me feeling worse. I think I talked about this before in my "Extroverted Introvert" post, but it was only in recent years when I started to read more about the Myers-Briggs Test, and ISJF's that I began to understand that this is a common theme among introverts. Again I'll plug the book my sister, Jenn, let me borrow called "The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside our Hidden World" because reading it helped me to start to understand and accept the unique parts of my personality.


I can't remember the exact wording, but I remember reading a section where the author, Jenn Granneman, talks about an experience she had at college where after someone got to know her, they made a comment about how before they met her, they had just assumed she was a bitch. I thought "No way! Me too!!!". I voraciously read the rest of her book and I often read articles from the online community she created called "Introvert, Dear". It is a great resource to help you understand more about introversion, hear others' stories, and go into greater detail about your specific personality type. Thank you, sister Jenn, for having me take the Myers-Briggs 16 Personalities Test and for lending me your introvert book, and thank you, author Jenn, for writing your book.


Who better than my favorite literary and movie character to demonstrate RBF - Scarlett O'Hara

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