Let it Be

Yesterday as I was driving to and from therapy, I couldn't stop looking at the trees and the beautiful colors all around me. The way that I drive to Mt. Gretna is on 322 west and the drive is mostly through a densely wooded area. Even though I sometimes complain about the weather getting colder, fall is such a beautiful time of year and I love seeing the orange, yellow, green and red of the leaves. To make this drive even more gorgeous, the sky was clearing off after 2 days of rain. Most of the sky was still covered by clouds but to the west it was starting to clear off and you could just start to see the setting sun shining. I know my description does not do justice to how amazing this scene actually looked, but try to picture it.

Lately I get hit with random moments of crying; with the one year anniversary being last week and just being at therapy, I was a little bit of a hot mess yesterday. As the sun started to come out, The Beatles "Let it Be" came on my iPod. My whole family loves the Beatles (Dad and I spent many hours rocking out to Beatles Rock Band when I lived at home), and after my dad's memorial service, instead of funeral type music, we selected some of Dad's favorite Beatles tunes - Let it Be was the first one that came on. As I was driving, I just started to cry; hearing that song evoked so many emotions for me. I feel so much sadness, but at the same time, there is something incredibly peaceful and comforting about the song. From what I know about the history of the song, Paul wrote it after having a dream where he saw his deceased mother (Mother Mary). In the dream, she told him that things will be OK and to let it be.

I have had many dreams where my dad has been in them, but never one that I feel like he is in the dream specifically to talk to me. I kind of think that if he would have the chance to come talk to me, he would tell me to be calm and that things will be alright. In my dad's last few months, he was not himself at all, but before that, he was always a very calming presence in my life, even if he didn't say a word. He had the strong, silent demeanor and as a dad of 3 girls, he had a lot of experience over the years comforting and quieting my tears. To make the moment even more meaningful, the next song that came on was "Ave Maria" which was my paternal grandmother's favorite song. Even though it made me cry, hearing those songs in that moment was soothing; like dad and Grammy were there with me.

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