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Triggers

  • Jerilyn
  • Mar 19, 2019
  • 3 min read

Updated: Jun 21, 2019

Sights, smells, tastes... everyone experiences something at some point in their life that reminds them of a memory from the past. Tasting a certain food could remind you of your grandmother's cooking, or smelling a cologne/perfume could remind you of someone. These memories might make you feel happy and nostalgic, or it may make you very sad and emotional. For people who have experienced traumatic events, or those struggling with grief or mental health issues, triggers can be debilitating. I hate even using the word "trigger" because of how my dad died, but there isn't really a better word to use to describe it. Unfortunately, they can happen at any time throughout the day with no warning.


The first big trigger for me was less than a month after my dad died. My drivers license was about to expire so I had to make the dreaded trip to the DMV to have my picture taken. As always, there was a huge backlog of people so I took a number and sat down. For some reason, most of the DMV employees that I have encountered tend to be very unpleasant, but the guy working this day tops them all. As he was calling numbers and having people sign the required paperwork, he very loudly made a comment wishing that someone would put a bullet in his head. Immediately, I felt so many strong emotions hit me. One of those was anger and it took a lot of self control for me to not lose it on this guy and tell him that he should watch what he said, but the emotions that were even stronger took over. I immediately was taken back to the day my dad died and the scene I remember seeing. My family would not let me see my dad immediately after he passed, but once the funeral home came and took him away I did go out to see where it happened. I'll never be able to have that image out of my head and that man's careless, asinine comment brought that to the very front of my memory.


Another time I was at work and a coworker of mine was talking about someone who was annoying her. I guess she had been trying to explain something to a person and he wasn't getting it, so she then made the motion of a gun with her fingers and put it up to her head and pretended to shoot. Again I felt a lot of different emotions after she did that. Even though I knew what she was trying to convey, I wanted to say "Really? Are you serious right now?" but I just walked away and went back to my office.


Both times, it was only God's grace that helped me handle those situations. I can't imagine what it is like for military vets to come home and have to deal with their PTSD, or victims of abuse/crime to get through situations that trigger their memories. You have no idea that it is coming, and there isn't anything you can do to mentally prepare for it.


If you deal with flashbacks and triggers and you struggle, that's okay. There isn't anything wrong with you, no matter how long ago your incident happened. It is okay to cry or to have to go take a few moments to yourself. You are not weak.


For those of you who don't struggle with triggers, I would tell you to try to be aware of what you say and do. Obviously it is impossible to never upset someone, but you generally know your friends, family and coworkers well enough to know if they've been through something difficult in their life and the story behind it. Even if you are somewhere with your loved one and something happens that you know might be upsetting for them, a kind smile or hug goes a long way.

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